The Cake Was Not a Lie

So in lieu of my recent goal to loose 40 lbs by April, I thought I would give an update. I was doing really well there with eating and ramping up my physical activity but this last week I fell of the wagon big time! I'm pretty sure I undid any progress I may have made and probably gained weight. I would like to blame it on Seth for bringing home so many cupcakes, pizza, cookies, caramel, etc., but in reality its my fault for not having the self control to just throw it all in the garbage or at least give it away to a really skinny neighbor (in which I have plenty) just to be mean. The above picture is pretty much exactly what happened to me this week. I hate admitting that I was so weak but I feel like my acceptance and admittance of my sin against health is my first step to fixing my problem. I'm a sugar addict, I'll admit it. This week I am determined to do better though! I'm going to get back to taking my vitamins every day (another thing I was doing really well at) and pulling myself together during meal times to cook healthier and tastier foods instead of just taking the easy way out and heating up some frozen foods. I lost one battle but I am determined to win the war!

Insanity or Security?

I've been thinking a lot about solitude, freedom, and self-reliance lately. Seth and I have been trying hard to get out of debt and follow the advice of getting a good food storage base and overall being better prepared for life and all it's twists and turns. I underestimated the task of getting to a point where we can feel secure, self reliant, and free of the feeling like we are under someone's thumb. Every day is a juggling act of fitting in an 8 hour work day, playing with and teaching Evie, trying not to be over run with housework (dream on, right?), finishing the landscaping, cooking at least 2 meals, finishing up my thesis revisions, balancing a budget, trying to pay bills on time, and trying to stay on top of outside the home church and social activities. That's not even touching all the projects Seth is working on. Between the two of us, I feel like we are lucky when we get a shower that's longer than 5 minutes. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my life and I'm not complaining. But its times like these I think back on the lifestyles I caught a gimps of when I visited Scandinavia.

The picture you see above is of a house in Iceland sitting alone surrounded by land and water. As incredible and alien as it seems to me, I saw many solitary homes like this in Norway and Sweden. I remember wondering why anyone would want to live like that? No neighbors, no convenient grocery store, no mall or movie theater, plus, I would be really surprised if they had internet or cell phone access. I wondered how they survived. How would you eat, drink safe water, have electricity? But mainly wondered how these people, living in their basic homes, hours from any city, keep any sort of emotional or social sanity? When I was 13 I looked at that lifestyle and thought that people living that way must be crazy. At 25 I wonder how I can stop being crazy and live like they do. These people would probably look at my life and wonder how anyone could live being absorbed in an artificial society made up of social networks and expensive pieces of paper that are supposed to tell the world that the holder is intelligent, valuable, and has their lives figured out. So far, I have collected 4 of these pieces of paper and more email, blog, and social network account than I can count and I'll be the first to admit that they do nothing for my search for peace and happiness in life, I mean REAL life.

I don't feel freer, more secure, or dare I say, happier, with my social networks, school loan debt, outrageous utility bill, or the HOA that dictates how much grass I have in my front yard. Not a day goes by where I don't worry about my 2 year old being harmed by those belonging to our "advanced" and "civilized" society. I think I would like living in that lone house surrounded by only land and water. I think I would like knowing that my food came out of my garden or from my animals that I saw grow without government or institutional  regulations. I think I would like knowing that I could put an airstrip in my front yard and no one care. Maybe one day this dream of going insane with freedom and self-reliance will come true. One can dream...